The NFL Doesn’t Like You – They Like Your Money

Uhhh, you're on the wrong side of the ball Jeff.

Uhhh, you’re on the wrong side of the ball Mr.Saturday

It’s just another Wednesday of arbitrarily attempting to seem productive in my shitty cubicle when I am distracted from counting the ceiling tiles by some news regarding the NFL on my twitter feed. Which, if you have a set of testicles, means you are going find out what’s going on…The NFL has axed the traditional Pro Bowl AFC vs. NFC format and will now employ a fantasy draft style roster selection instead. The “captains” that will be selecting these “all star” rosters will be former greats Jerry Rice and Deion Sanders, because Justin Beiber and Mile Cyrus were “busy”.

I am not sure why they keep trying to mess with the Pro Bowl, no player wants to play in it, it’s an unnecessary risk for injury and you gain nothing but a “bonus” for making the team when it could end up costing you millions if you were to receive a devastating injury. In reality the NFL needs to scrap the game altogether. No one attends and no one watches on television anymore because watching paint dry would involve you to fire more neurons in your brain than this exhibition in nonchalance.

But the NFL won’t do that because the NFL isn’t in the business of playing football they are in the business of making money. Money that you and I work hard for that they deceive us to spend on things like meaningless preseason games and attending training camp practices and paying for parking/shuttle from the parking in Landover, MD. Any chance for you to lay you’re normal, pathetic human eyes on these superb genetic specimens should cost you.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the NFL like the Republicans love to be insane, but I don’t want to throw my hard earned cash at you when I could just as easily buy a bag of weed and masturbate all evening. (Both would involve a lot of strange facial expressions and extensive cursing followed by a long nap) Give me some substance for God’s sake!

I have a final solution for the NFL though – Cut the Pro-Bowl and have a preseason all star game, but flag football style. Players will have been “paid” already after the off-season so there’s less risk that an injury could ruin your lifetime earnings. There’s no real contact so the only bad injuries you are looking at are muscle strains/tears which ample conditioning should combat. Add the incentive that the winning side gets one of their divisions stadiums selected for the next Superbowl. I think that solves just about every issue. Yea, the fans may be weary to pay to see a flag football game but you get the same athletes, with presumably more drive to succeed in the game when there are incentives for the winning side, and you’ve eased the players concerns. It will never happen though, because the NFL is only interested in your money, not your happiness and well being; certainly not the happiness and well being of the athletes they employ.